Hello all again for the first in a while. I am currently under the influence of Vicodin because I got my tonsils and adenoids removed recently so I get to do legal drugs. Happy day. The thing about it forces a deep part of me out that reminds me of a bunch of new topics I have gone over in this absence of mine for two months.
The Question is: How do humans conceive value in something?
Now in how I've always seen it and came to the conclusion to, we need an opposing force that's just as great. There's no way that humans would be able to conceive was "good" is without "evil." If evil were not a thing, what would we be able to compare to make a "good" and "evil." It's also the reason that a lot of people put great value into happiness. They fear sadness. Which is what I find ironic about the kind of people that use all their energy in being happy. They fear sadness so much that they're even paranoid about it which all that paranoia and fear they create just fills their living space in negative vibes covered in a happy looking coat. You cannot have one thing, without the other. I don't want to be a killjoy, but for those believing that they can create a 100% happy place, negativity will find its way in somehow and in any level, small, or large.
Now, for a deeper sense on emotion value. It's one thing to value happiness over sadness, but it's another to value having emotions over not having emotions. This is one thing I have to deal with. I value sadness and all emotions except anger. Why? Because feeling nothing, absolutely nothing its awful. You can't connect with people. It mocks me on how I know what each emotion is and I can't feel them. I can only know them. It makes me feel like I'm less than human because emotions are the one thing that make humans, humans. And not Tranquils or Pawns. It's something that's impossible to explain. being half-tranquil as I think of it. The experience of not caring or being disturbed by anything. To not be excited for the cool new thing. But the worst part about it for me is...
The lack of the ability to feel love.
It pains me that I can feel that nice burning sensation in my chest whenever I kiss, or think of someone I love a lot. I remember the feeling which is why I say it mocks me. I remember these feelings, so I can only know what I'm 'feeling' but not experience what I'm feeling. I believe there is a way to get my emotions back.
But how?
It's just as the Yin Yang implies. There is good and bad. There is good within the bad and there is bad within the good. There will always be evil, but that's there so you can truly be happy. To understand evil, not fear it. So you can truly be happy. If you worry about sadness and negativity. It's like you're welcoming it.
This is also why I am trying to understand what true sadness and evil is. I have already felt happiness. (half tranquil as said, so I can still experience some emotions.) So I can truly be happy. I wish to cry out these involuntarily bottled up tears and learn when to cry at appropriate times. So I can learn what truly be in a good mood means.
I think I may have strayed slightly from the topic and got personal with it, but whatever. I explained the whole value thing with emotions. This is just something that I have came across too with myself and in general. Have a good rest of your day. -Nate
