Hello and this is my ninth blog post, which I finally remember that I had a blog lol. But I figured that emotion took a big part on peoples lives and due to my philisphical mind fuck you mind, you might find it interesting if I were to talk about the subject. While listening to Kaskade's remix of Rinzler by Daft Punk. Pretty epic intro and I suggest you listen to it! :D
The Question is: How oftenly are people actually connecting their emotions to a lot of the responses they show, and do they even realize that they're emotions are the ones that affect their lives the most. Not other people.
Well as you may have kind of gotten where I was going to, High school and middle school drama have a hardcore emotional response to everything. People will usually blame each other for a small misfortune that they encountered, when all it was really is their emotions going on full blast for that one moment. Trust me I know the feeling yo, I started pueberty as well. That isn't their fault though, but one could still have the knowlege of the idea though. Adults say stuff like we all go through this kinda stuff. But what they don't say is that it doesn't happen to everyone, which it doesn't. I know some people that went perfectly without all the natural stress. (Or at least from what I could tell, I don't know their very personal lives and don't plan on finding out.) So what would you say? Is it good to let out all that anger at once maybe privatly so no one gets hurt or disturbed, or would you rather the person take some time to figure things out, not a meditation of blind rage, but an actual thought out process or a certain amount of time for the person to gain happiness? I don't know thats up to personal preference. But of coarse are sentence structures go, I made the second option sound a lot like it was how the way I went. Which is true. I spent an anormous amount of time meditating, which at first was blind rage but then the real revelations starting to reveal. Then one year later approx I am the philisophical with the help of God happy man I am today, but of coarse things are not perfect.
I am not going to go back about meditation again. Already talked about it and how it worked for me and all that. But it does show how a lot of thigns connect. Philisophy as well. I forget which greek philosipher but they said that the senses deceive you. Which emotion is a sense as I would say. Don't let them deceive you. Cutting for example, pain is the feeling you get when your hurt, not when you get tickled for example. Pain is a negative affect on your body and being tickled is an affectionate sense. Makes you happy and giggle. Unless you are one of the people who enjoy feeling pain, Self Mortification should never be an option. Do not let your mind bypass pain and deceive you! Besides, it does physical damage any way and you could get an infection and die. Nobody wants that. But don't have your brain bypass everything and set happiness as the ultimate goal. Happiness is pleasing to feel but too much of it will make you go insane. Especially when your happy 24/7 then say you trip and fall. That will flip your mind inside out and you will literally go bat shit insane because this isn't want your used to and what your familiar with. It's all of a sudden strange again. It's all of really how much time you actually figure out yourself and your human nature. What I'm saying may not even apply to you. Thats how diverse Humans are. Just figure out more about yourself and how your can do something for the enviorment around you.
This is what I have to say about the whole matter. Skies of Orange did also talk about human reactions with emotions at one point in one of his blog posts, check it out. Keep wery on if your affecting sombody negativly or at least how they very to be negative. -Nate
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Love to Hate, Hate with a passion, Hate to love, Love without a passion
This is my eighth blog post and not only have I gone over to my friend josh's but I am spending the night! Josh ran away from his homie to go talk to Amy though, but anyway I might post another post later meaning to tomorrow C:
The Question is: Why do people use the term, "Hate with a passion" and do they truly understand what they are saying?
I've seen this saying time and time again, and I never really understood it. Hate with a passion. Basically what your saying is "Love to Hate." For example someone could say (I have respect for this genre and enjoy it. No offense should be taken) "I hate Metal with a passion." This is saying "I love to hate Metal music." Your admitting that you take satisfaction in experiencing a feeling that puts stress on your blood and body? If you don't know how anger and stress affects the body, I will give a brief lesson. Basically anger and stress puts pressure on your body, and not a little bit, but a lot. This damages the body and literally no benefit comes from this except increase in strength. But even that is used for harmful, destructive purposes when someone is in rage. So in an arguable statement, there is no benefit of anger. So how could someone enjoy this hurtful feeling? This also could be a synonym situation of cutting. It hurts everything physically and mentally or you, but you take satisfaction in. Things that humans do can be very confusing, but they will never know what is actually harmful for them. There are plenty of worldly examples that I wont give because there are some you could easily think of.
This also can be a debatable way to prove that being evil is wrong and truly not just a perspective and learning experience type of deal. Because if its very parasitic and even you don't benefit. So there is a way to show that treating people poorly hurts everyone involved. So the question brings itself again, why? Why to love to hate to mistreat people? And to try to show people that your "Tough" saying that you hate to love? Things are just turning inside out and backwards and I bet at the time of Adam and Eve things were nearly perfect (I say nearly because of the first sins that happened just because of human nature.) But how have things undone over time? Human nature? Or was there some other force... The philosophic minded people I would suggest turning to to figure things out partially though, you should make interpretations of your own after seeing many people. You cannot simply trust one mind because with the minds of many you can bring up a variety of possibilities that one person would have never thought of. Humans are built to work together but having hate as a passion will bring you nowhere in this world. So please treat people as if you were to treat yourself (depending on how much respect you have for yourself, if you have a low self esteem treat others very nicely. But I cant keep going on all the possibilities so you know what I'm saying.) And besides you never know who and how people are actually affected by aggression. I have been through experiences and naturally have always had a phobia of anger. If anyone if angry at anyone and goes off it will bring me to tears or nearly will because in that case not only one person is being hurt, but two, and maybe many more depending on how many people share this with me.
Please stop hurting people emotionally and especially physically and make bullying kill itself (haha get the reference :D?) Take care of yourselves. -Nate
The Question is: Why do people use the term, "Hate with a passion" and do they truly understand what they are saying?
I've seen this saying time and time again, and I never really understood it. Hate with a passion. Basically what your saying is "Love to Hate." For example someone could say (I have respect for this genre and enjoy it. No offense should be taken) "I hate Metal with a passion." This is saying "I love to hate Metal music." Your admitting that you take satisfaction in experiencing a feeling that puts stress on your blood and body? If you don't know how anger and stress affects the body, I will give a brief lesson. Basically anger and stress puts pressure on your body, and not a little bit, but a lot. This damages the body and literally no benefit comes from this except increase in strength. But even that is used for harmful, destructive purposes when someone is in rage. So in an arguable statement, there is no benefit of anger. So how could someone enjoy this hurtful feeling? This also could be a synonym situation of cutting. It hurts everything physically and mentally or you, but you take satisfaction in. Things that humans do can be very confusing, but they will never know what is actually harmful for them. There are plenty of worldly examples that I wont give because there are some you could easily think of.
This also can be a debatable way to prove that being evil is wrong and truly not just a perspective and learning experience type of deal. Because if its very parasitic and even you don't benefit. So there is a way to show that treating people poorly hurts everyone involved. So the question brings itself again, why? Why to love to hate to mistreat people? And to try to show people that your "Tough" saying that you hate to love? Things are just turning inside out and backwards and I bet at the time of Adam and Eve things were nearly perfect (I say nearly because of the first sins that happened just because of human nature.) But how have things undone over time? Human nature? Or was there some other force... The philosophic minded people I would suggest turning to to figure things out partially though, you should make interpretations of your own after seeing many people. You cannot simply trust one mind because with the minds of many you can bring up a variety of possibilities that one person would have never thought of. Humans are built to work together but having hate as a passion will bring you nowhere in this world. So please treat people as if you were to treat yourself (depending on how much respect you have for yourself, if you have a low self esteem treat others very nicely. But I cant keep going on all the possibilities so you know what I'm saying.) And besides you never know who and how people are actually affected by aggression. I have been through experiences and naturally have always had a phobia of anger. If anyone if angry at anyone and goes off it will bring me to tears or nearly will because in that case not only one person is being hurt, but two, and maybe many more depending on how many people share this with me.
Please stop hurting people emotionally and especially physically and make bullying kill itself (haha get the reference :D?) Take care of yourselves. -Nate
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Creativity, Living with me, Catastrophe.
This is my seventh blog and I am at My homie Josh's house for the billionth time this week to type yet again another blog post at his house.
The Question is: Why are people depriving themselves of their creativity or why are other discouraging people from their creativity and why this has an ultimate damage in the end.
This is been something that I've seen for a long time now, when someone has a great talent but they say they aren't that great at it or they even say that they are horrible at it. I'm always very impressed of what they have created for whether it be art class, band, orchestra, etc, but then they always say something along the lines of "Oh it's horrible don't look at it." Then I always tell them they should do it more oftentimes. I take pride in my work because I am no perfectionist and know that whatever I have accomplished was to the best of my abilities for that situation. So please have self esteem with your work and admire it, grab the pros and the cons, and go on from that, showing the world who truly is you and what your capable of.
Now another thing I have seen as well is that people are telling those low self esteem people and telling them that it "sucks" or is "horrible." This in my mind will not be tolerated and is completely unacceptable, and I'm not talking just about high schoolers or any mean people in your school, but Adults as well. I've had it where my parents say that they "support" me with my music but they sure as hell didn't act like it. This made me go bat shit insane for the longest time. I sadly don't have nearly as many opportunities to get around to my electronic producing. The least I can do is mess around with my guitar whether it be for Never Again or music that will go under my own name. It's one thing that I wish I could resolve, so I wish for a computer and some recording equipment. That would make my month. But back to the main idea though, there are going to be plenty of people that want to push you down but when you hold this skill of non violence (hopefully) and have this amazing talent, you will have a great life ahead of you. Something worth value, something worth striving for. Follow your dreams.
The results of people constantly being pushed down from all this has included the following. Suicide, self mortification, lost in self motivation, suicidal thoughts, and many other depression related symptoms. For what purpose does it hold within people that they just want to put these awful and scary actions on people? I see it just for satisfaction because that will usually grant them social popularity if they make a joke about it which is usually the most common way. The feel alone so if your someone like me don't fall into that trap and see through they're eyes to see that they are actually more alone that you are. You have plenty of real friends around you I'm certain that will help you with your life if needed. Everyday shall be non like its last and non like its future. Improvise.
Shhh, no more tears, just dreams. Think about that, what does it mean to you? put this blog into some thought. -Nate
The Question is: Why are people depriving themselves of their creativity or why are other discouraging people from their creativity and why this has an ultimate damage in the end.
This is been something that I've seen for a long time now, when someone has a great talent but they say they aren't that great at it or they even say that they are horrible at it. I'm always very impressed of what they have created for whether it be art class, band, orchestra, etc, but then they always say something along the lines of "Oh it's horrible don't look at it." Then I always tell them they should do it more oftentimes. I take pride in my work because I am no perfectionist and know that whatever I have accomplished was to the best of my abilities for that situation. So please have self esteem with your work and admire it, grab the pros and the cons, and go on from that, showing the world who truly is you and what your capable of.
Now another thing I have seen as well is that people are telling those low self esteem people and telling them that it "sucks" or is "horrible." This in my mind will not be tolerated and is completely unacceptable, and I'm not talking just about high schoolers or any mean people in your school, but Adults as well. I've had it where my parents say that they "support" me with my music but they sure as hell didn't act like it. This made me go bat shit insane for the longest time. I sadly don't have nearly as many opportunities to get around to my electronic producing. The least I can do is mess around with my guitar whether it be for Never Again or music that will go under my own name. It's one thing that I wish I could resolve, so I wish for a computer and some recording equipment. That would make my month. But back to the main idea though, there are going to be plenty of people that want to push you down but when you hold this skill of non violence (hopefully) and have this amazing talent, you will have a great life ahead of you. Something worth value, something worth striving for. Follow your dreams.
The results of people constantly being pushed down from all this has included the following. Suicide, self mortification, lost in self motivation, suicidal thoughts, and many other depression related symptoms. For what purpose does it hold within people that they just want to put these awful and scary actions on people? I see it just for satisfaction because that will usually grant them social popularity if they make a joke about it which is usually the most common way. The feel alone so if your someone like me don't fall into that trap and see through they're eyes to see that they are actually more alone that you are. You have plenty of real friends around you I'm certain that will help you with your life if needed. Everyday shall be non like its last and non like its future. Improvise.
Shhh, no more tears, just dreams. Think about that, what does it mean to you? put this blog into some thought. -Nate
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Meditation, frustration, recreation.
This is my sixth blog post and the usual one thats late at night.
The Question is: How does Meditation help with frustration, and how can you use your thoughts for recreation?
Well meditation as many should know eases the mind, and has worked for me greatly. I love meditation and that is exactly the thing that got me out of my depression. I spent a year, alone, meditating daily and figuring things out. Philosophy is usually what is the outcome of your practices. So there is a lot you can overcome with meditation.
The frustration that people have is something that will tense up the body, it's not good to be frustrated all the time. It physically does damage to the body. It puts pressure onto your blood cells and cramping them together and that makes it very uncomfortable and very hard to work with. Meditation is not the only way of releaving stress, but a very effective and easy way to releave one of their stress. You should when meditating focus on what is causing you the most u\disfortune, and figure out why and how it's happening. This way you will not only be able to figure out the how and the why, but then way to fix it and a stress releaved mind to work with. If you've ever noticed,when people are mad, people don't want to talk to that person, making this less efficient. When you have a clear mind even with horrible issues you will have a tremendous increase of effeciency with your life and however you organize it. This is a great way to start on your road to not only happiness and a better optomistic personality, but finding a uniqueness within you that nobody knew about and at that point could show off to the world.
The recreation is up to you. However your culture and social structures are and how they work is just how you will be able to rebuild. After you have a plan and things that have proved working (not just you think will work) take action, don't be afraid to pull of a stunt or something that you would think we benefit everbody and not just be parasitic about it and it's not just about some drama that you are apart of and you want vengence. You may be saying "oh meditation is boring/lame" or "I don't have the balls to actually take action into doing the thing I would like to do for the cause." Well if your person one then don't meditate, get research and survey peoples ideals on certain topics and grab your information from there. And if you don't have the capability of taking action then just have someone else do it that you can 100%+ trust on for getting that kind of job (which you have to let them know that it is a very serious job that you are assigning.) This will hopefully form a better person out of you.
Make sure that you are doing the right thing, and that when your meditating its not just rageful incesnce because then the right choice is too vague in your mind or unseen at that state. So try your best anyone if this helped -Nate
The Question is: How does Meditation help with frustration, and how can you use your thoughts for recreation?
Well meditation as many should know eases the mind, and has worked for me greatly. I love meditation and that is exactly the thing that got me out of my depression. I spent a year, alone, meditating daily and figuring things out. Philosophy is usually what is the outcome of your practices. So there is a lot you can overcome with meditation.
The frustration that people have is something that will tense up the body, it's not good to be frustrated all the time. It physically does damage to the body. It puts pressure onto your blood cells and cramping them together and that makes it very uncomfortable and very hard to work with. Meditation is not the only way of releaving stress, but a very effective and easy way to releave one of their stress. You should when meditating focus on what is causing you the most u\disfortune, and figure out why and how it's happening. This way you will not only be able to figure out the how and the why, but then way to fix it and a stress releaved mind to work with. If you've ever noticed,when people are mad, people don't want to talk to that person, making this less efficient. When you have a clear mind even with horrible issues you will have a tremendous increase of effeciency with your life and however you organize it. This is a great way to start on your road to not only happiness and a better optomistic personality, but finding a uniqueness within you that nobody knew about and at that point could show off to the world.
The recreation is up to you. However your culture and social structures are and how they work is just how you will be able to rebuild. After you have a plan and things that have proved working (not just you think will work) take action, don't be afraid to pull of a stunt or something that you would think we benefit everbody and not just be parasitic about it and it's not just about some drama that you are apart of and you want vengence. You may be saying "oh meditation is boring/lame" or "I don't have the balls to actually take action into doing the thing I would like to do for the cause." Well if your person one then don't meditate, get research and survey peoples ideals on certain topics and grab your information from there. And if you don't have the capability of taking action then just have someone else do it that you can 100%+ trust on for getting that kind of job (which you have to let them know that it is a very serious job that you are assigning.) This will hopefully form a better person out of you.
Make sure that you are doing the right thing, and that when your meditating its not just rageful incesnce because then the right choice is too vague in your mind or unseen at that state. So try your best anyone if this helped -Nate
Skies of Black! er... wait... that can't be right...
This is My Fifth Blog and I am Currently eating Gummy frogs and drinking coke as I type this (oh mah gosh I love coka cola) O.o
The Question is: Why do people view people who wear black, as bad or evil? (Made the blog a little anonymous from the title :3)
As you can tell I use the word Black alot in my blog, deal with it. The thing is, I can't break down how people come up with these stereotypes. Some actually have a little tiny but of truth behind them, but in the ways people use the one about how people wear black are usually depressed? Not really. People who wear black aren't really depressed. There are the people who dress in black and be all poserific and say crap like "OMG YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(" And as most of us should know all of that is bullSHIT. So why are people like me discriminated for it if there is the obvious fact of that? Just for the laugh of it? I'm never sure about anything I talk about on this blog, so I'm not sure.
So anyway, what is the real deal with the color black anyway? I can only tell you about what the problem is slightly from one point of view, the extremely religious people's point of view. They believe that anything dark/ scary looking is considered to be from hell. The people who wear black are looked at as parts of the legions of hell. And anything else in relation with that group of people. (ie: Metal and Deathcore music, certain forms of poetry, etc...) But what proof does the bible give to support that this lifestyle that I share with the misunderstood is a bad lifestyle? None at all! It's plain rediculous on how in the world we could be such a threat to them -.-'
It also gets to me how my grandparents look at black as "depressing" or especially "Unattractive." They're really just falling into the stereotypes that the "genious" america has put onto it. I've told them that I've wanted to dye my hair black before (I might not now in order to have the possibility of getting Kallie back) and I feel liek they're not completely accepting me for who I am because I take on this unique fasion that basically nobody else in my family partakes in. So I can't see why it's such a bad thing. They're old anyway and they say that they know this and they won't understand but of coarse they don't act like they know.
This is really all I have to say about it, there may be some missing things about it. Please in the comments tell me about your personality oppression if you want. seeya later -Nate
The Question is: Why do people view people who wear black, as bad or evil? (Made the blog a little anonymous from the title :3)
As you can tell I use the word Black alot in my blog, deal with it. The thing is, I can't break down how people come up with these stereotypes. Some actually have a little tiny but of truth behind them, but in the ways people use the one about how people wear black are usually depressed? Not really. People who wear black aren't really depressed. There are the people who dress in black and be all poserific and say crap like "OMG YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(" And as most of us should know all of that is bullSHIT. So why are people like me discriminated for it if there is the obvious fact of that? Just for the laugh of it? I'm never sure about anything I talk about on this blog, so I'm not sure.
So anyway, what is the real deal with the color black anyway? I can only tell you about what the problem is slightly from one point of view, the extremely religious people's point of view. They believe that anything dark/ scary looking is considered to be from hell. The people who wear black are looked at as parts of the legions of hell. And anything else in relation with that group of people. (ie: Metal and Deathcore music, certain forms of poetry, etc...) But what proof does the bible give to support that this lifestyle that I share with the misunderstood is a bad lifestyle? None at all! It's plain rediculous on how in the world we could be such a threat to them -.-'
It also gets to me how my grandparents look at black as "depressing" or especially "Unattractive." They're really just falling into the stereotypes that the "genious" america has put onto it. I've told them that I've wanted to dye my hair black before (I might not now in order to have the possibility of getting Kallie back) and I feel liek they're not completely accepting me for who I am because I take on this unique fasion that basically nobody else in my family partakes in. So I can't see why it's such a bad thing. They're old anyway and they say that they know this and they won't understand but of coarse they don't act like they know.
This is really all I have to say about it, there may be some missing things about it. Please in the comments tell me about your personality oppression if you want. seeya later -Nate
Monday, May 14, 2012
Hell. And Its powerful effect
This is my 4th blog post. And yet another thing thats been on my mind. More religious though.
The Question is: What actually is Hell, If there is one?
I believe there is a Hell, But thats just because of my beleifs. I'm letting you know now that this is not to try to convert any of you or to be to any offense.
I'm in a youth group in St. Andrews Episcopal Church in Ann Arbor. And Hell has been on my mind constantly, and it is very scary when you are a type of christian. I wonder how much the devil has editted my life since then. I've always wondered what Hell was anyway. and One day. (And these are the types of events that I truely beleive there is a god. My questions are answered exactly.) The next day I went to church and the lesson is on Hell. I instantaniously become interested. They brought up some very interesting thing. For example, (this definantly eased most of my spiritual pain, but this is still going on in my mind) they said "What if Hell is not a place where theres demons ripping the limbs off of you are being tortured. But it's simply just a place where your without god." That gave me so much to think about for a long time. If that is true does that mean that Hell has some beautiful plains and skies and looks like earth only without all of the troubles of Earth? That almost made me want to go to hell, I felt ashamed of the thought when I remember that if your able to be with God wouldn't that be a lot better? I mean you would have to find your stuff in Hell even if it wasn't the tortuous place its claimed to be. With god you can simply ask for it because you've earned it. It'd also be a lot more fun and relaxing and everything would be better. But you always have to pay attention and make sure your don't sin. But If your not christian then you don't have to worry about this stuff. So, good for you.
Now Hell has been on my mind for a long time as stated, and its really been a pain. The constant worrying about it and the anti christ symbols flying through my head, and even temptations throughout my life that seem so beneficial. The blood and it just drives me crazy. God has i would like to believe made a lot of it go away recently and all that but if theres stuff like this, Wouldn't there be a devil and it wouldnt be a second lonlier earth? Hell is a very scary and touchy subject, and starting this early in my life with the topic was probably a bad idea. So as I fight the devil (or a demon or whatever) I go along with my life and I try to find a way to get around this. But to all of you non religious people this is all bullshit, but this blog thingie I made was for stuff on my mind so deal with it.
I've had dreams of going to hell. The first one was I was crossing a bridge that was white. there was a huge big entrance with the devil sitting on a chair lounging with the hellish smile while around each side of the wall he was in front of I could see hell and I looked to see hell got scared and said "I'm not ready yet." The devil replied "Ok be generous" as his smile grew. I replied "you too" then afterwards realizing that might have been a mistake seeing that he could be generous enough to save a spot in hell for me.
The second dream I have was I was in front of my friends Ezra and Griff. I killed myself with rope and I woke up in a hall wall with a floating goreing ball with one eye and a mouth and tenticles coming off the side. I ask "Am I in hell?" It replies "Hmm? Oh yeah your in Limbo." So I think little of it. I walk down the hallway to find a door and I go through the door seeing a road a massive open area where the sky and the ground were the same. It was red and has spots of purple fade in and out. There was a crumbling building to the right on teh side of the only road. I decide to walk that way. I see a group of 3 teens talking about something that I couldn't hear. I look forward again and someone in the distance starts running at me yelling my name. I didn't know this person in real life but I knew this person in my dream. I said "what" after they got to me and they asked "What are you doing here?" and I replied "I dunno..." as I look to the ground. They replied "Alright lets go" and we countinue down the road to nowhere.
This is was I have to say about it, tell me what you think like always. Dont fuck up. -Nate
The Question is: What actually is Hell, If there is one?
I believe there is a Hell, But thats just because of my beleifs. I'm letting you know now that this is not to try to convert any of you or to be to any offense.
I'm in a youth group in St. Andrews Episcopal Church in Ann Arbor. And Hell has been on my mind constantly, and it is very scary when you are a type of christian. I wonder how much the devil has editted my life since then. I've always wondered what Hell was anyway. and One day. (And these are the types of events that I truely beleive there is a god. My questions are answered exactly.) The next day I went to church and the lesson is on Hell. I instantaniously become interested. They brought up some very interesting thing. For example, (this definantly eased most of my spiritual pain, but this is still going on in my mind) they said "What if Hell is not a place where theres demons ripping the limbs off of you are being tortured. But it's simply just a place where your without god." That gave me so much to think about for a long time. If that is true does that mean that Hell has some beautiful plains and skies and looks like earth only without all of the troubles of Earth? That almost made me want to go to hell, I felt ashamed of the thought when I remember that if your able to be with God wouldn't that be a lot better? I mean you would have to find your stuff in Hell even if it wasn't the tortuous place its claimed to be. With god you can simply ask for it because you've earned it. It'd also be a lot more fun and relaxing and everything would be better. But you always have to pay attention and make sure your don't sin. But If your not christian then you don't have to worry about this stuff. So, good for you.
Now Hell has been on my mind for a long time as stated, and its really been a pain. The constant worrying about it and the anti christ symbols flying through my head, and even temptations throughout my life that seem so beneficial. The blood and it just drives me crazy. God has i would like to believe made a lot of it go away recently and all that but if theres stuff like this, Wouldn't there be a devil and it wouldnt be a second lonlier earth? Hell is a very scary and touchy subject, and starting this early in my life with the topic was probably a bad idea. So as I fight the devil (or a demon or whatever) I go along with my life and I try to find a way to get around this. But to all of you non religious people this is all bullshit, but this blog thingie I made was for stuff on my mind so deal with it.
I've had dreams of going to hell. The first one was I was crossing a bridge that was white. there was a huge big entrance with the devil sitting on a chair lounging with the hellish smile while around each side of the wall he was in front of I could see hell and I looked to see hell got scared and said "I'm not ready yet." The devil replied "Ok be generous" as his smile grew. I replied "you too" then afterwards realizing that might have been a mistake seeing that he could be generous enough to save a spot in hell for me.
The second dream I have was I was in front of my friends Ezra and Griff. I killed myself with rope and I woke up in a hall wall with a floating goreing ball with one eye and a mouth and tenticles coming off the side. I ask "Am I in hell?" It replies "Hmm? Oh yeah your in Limbo." So I think little of it. I walk down the hallway to find a door and I go through the door seeing a road a massive open area where the sky and the ground were the same. It was red and has spots of purple fade in and out. There was a crumbling building to the right on teh side of the only road. I decide to walk that way. I see a group of 3 teens talking about something that I couldn't hear. I look forward again and someone in the distance starts running at me yelling my name. I didn't know this person in real life but I knew this person in my dream. I said "what" after they got to me and they asked "What are you doing here?" and I replied "I dunno..." as I look to the ground. They replied "Alright lets go" and we countinue down the road to nowhere.
This is was I have to say about it, tell me what you think like always. Dont fuck up. -Nate
Suicidal dreams, thoughts, wants, and haunts
This is my third blog and I'm here to talk about suicidal issues.
The Question is: Why are some of my friends having the desire to commit suicide and some of my friends, friends wanting to commit suicide?
I really have no idea why but I have been surrounded by depression for several years now. I did have it for 2 years or something but I've become a happy person. Or was anyway. Depression has come to strike me in the back again. Don't worry I still have all my morals about not committing suicide and not cutting and everything. But its origin is not just what I went on in my second blog, "Nervousness," but from the constant thoughts about this depression stuff. I know its needed as an emotion for certain situations and responses that are appropriate for an unfortunate event. Too much of it of coarse is bad and even happiness is the same way as well. Too much of anything is bad. So I find myself a good medium. I know there can be ridiculous counslers but there are also some amazing counslers as well. Like I've had mine for two years and we get along so well and he's just awesome. So I think that the people who really need the help should get it (Like my friend Josh for example) he's been great and I think that to all people with depression should look at me and josh as an example. I was not put on meds though I made a goal that I could find happiness as a purity and not masked by meds. A real true expression of happiness, which I did achieve. Josh's was so bad that he has to be put on the meds or else he'll try to commit suicide immediately... which is definitely a horrifying thought and image :'C Everything should work out in the end.
And I was looking at a conversation between josh and amy (yes I did josh deal with it) and I worry for amy. That may sound creepy to you, but I view everyone as a friend of mine and I look out for friends. I even treat god informally. Many religious people would think thats insane but why? You don't treat you father very formally (Unless you were raised like that of coarse.) You can have a informal conversation with God if you wanted to. But Josh, when you read this, keep her alive. I'd be doing her and us a favor. She seems like a kool person as well that I would like to talk to at some point in this life...
Another this is to know, not make yourself believe, but KNOW that you are never alone. Unless of coarse you make yourself that way. I have seen it too many times that people isolate themselves then say everyones avoiding them. So accept the company because not everyone is a bad person. Be optimistic! And don't be afraid to show yourself. I wear black a lot (as stated in my second blog) and take no shame in who I am. I am self and who ever were to challenge me I would say "I am Self!."
With these kind of tips of advice to get people started I believe we can save lives and start a global life saving revolution to over through the bullshit leaders we have today and start a new happier culture were everything is fair and the world may be run by our more perfect ideas. God bless us all and help us along the way. Fuck close minded people they will learn. Purge your depression, but not forcefully, getting rid of things always takes your time. But stand strong. Everyone and Anyone is here for you.
Take care of yourselves -Nate
The Question is: Why are some of my friends having the desire to commit suicide and some of my friends, friends wanting to commit suicide?
I really have no idea why but I have been surrounded by depression for several years now. I did have it for 2 years or something but I've become a happy person. Or was anyway. Depression has come to strike me in the back again. Don't worry I still have all my morals about not committing suicide and not cutting and everything. But its origin is not just what I went on in my second blog, "Nervousness," but from the constant thoughts about this depression stuff. I know its needed as an emotion for certain situations and responses that are appropriate for an unfortunate event. Too much of it of coarse is bad and even happiness is the same way as well. Too much of anything is bad. So I find myself a good medium. I know there can be ridiculous counslers but there are also some amazing counslers as well. Like I've had mine for two years and we get along so well and he's just awesome. So I think that the people who really need the help should get it (Like my friend Josh for example) he's been great and I think that to all people with depression should look at me and josh as an example. I was not put on meds though I made a goal that I could find happiness as a purity and not masked by meds. A real true expression of happiness, which I did achieve. Josh's was so bad that he has to be put on the meds or else he'll try to commit suicide immediately... which is definitely a horrifying thought and image :'C Everything should work out in the end.
And I was looking at a conversation between josh and amy (yes I did josh deal with it) and I worry for amy. That may sound creepy to you, but I view everyone as a friend of mine and I look out for friends. I even treat god informally. Many religious people would think thats insane but why? You don't treat you father very formally (Unless you were raised like that of coarse.) You can have a informal conversation with God if you wanted to. But Josh, when you read this, keep her alive. I'd be doing her and us a favor. She seems like a kool person as well that I would like to talk to at some point in this life...
Another this is to know, not make yourself believe, but KNOW that you are never alone. Unless of coarse you make yourself that way. I have seen it too many times that people isolate themselves then say everyones avoiding them. So accept the company because not everyone is a bad person. Be optimistic! And don't be afraid to show yourself. I wear black a lot (as stated in my second blog) and take no shame in who I am. I am self and who ever were to challenge me I would say "I am Self!."
With these kind of tips of advice to get people started I believe we can save lives and start a global life saving revolution to over through the bullshit leaders we have today and start a new happier culture were everything is fair and the world may be run by our more perfect ideas. God bless us all and help us along the way. Fuck close minded people they will learn. Purge your depression, but not forcefully, getting rid of things always takes your time. But stand strong. Everyone and Anyone is here for you.
Take care of yourselves -Nate
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Nervousness
Hello and This is my second blog and this one is about how im nervous on somethings and would like your opinions.
One thing that I am nervous about is being seen by My principal and in some cases my former world studies teacher, Mr. Wynn. My principal Mr. Okma I already know hates me for who I am, and I am being kicked out of his school, Wihi. So that means I have to meet with him again and I can not emotionally speak with him. Not because I am ashamed of my grades, but I feel so pushed at and attacked by him and I don't get defensive, but confused and at a lost of words. I forget the whole ability and part of the conversation just focusing on his anger. Then I just fall into tears and that I take shame of facing my Principal and crying. I think it's a safe bet that he thinks that I cry in front of him about my grades. I don't think he cares though, he gets done of whatever is his and he leaves his students futures to them, which I view as a good thing partially because I make my life and he shouldn't be concerned about it, but he will still call you down and yell at you and get frustrated for you not being able to catch up. So this is one thing that I am always nervous about, walking through the schools fearing the sight of my principal.
Another thing that I am nervous about is that some of my family members are also raging for the fact that I can't keep up with the IB's standards. My dad is been recently more tolerable, but my step mom I have noticed that she has taken a very agressive living style when communicating with me, for the same reasons as stated above. My dad and step mom do the hardest work just to say so and like to think that doing all that will make them idols. I think other wise becaues it's time that they've learned that nobody cares that you've actually done more work for no reason. Most people will probably just be like "You did more work? HAHA, way to waste your time and effort when you could've gotten the same thing with less work." But seeing that they are my parents I have no authority or rights of any kind of speach. I don't feel as if I get enough rights to actually state my case, this limits me and makes me just want to run away from my friends house and live there to the people that actually know what I'm talking about.
So this is what I have to say, take a gander at your thoughts and tell me what you think. -Nate
One thing that I am nervous about is being seen by My principal and in some cases my former world studies teacher, Mr. Wynn. My principal Mr. Okma I already know hates me for who I am, and I am being kicked out of his school, Wihi. So that means I have to meet with him again and I can not emotionally speak with him. Not because I am ashamed of my grades, but I feel so pushed at and attacked by him and I don't get defensive, but confused and at a lost of words. I forget the whole ability and part of the conversation just focusing on his anger. Then I just fall into tears and that I take shame of facing my Principal and crying. I think it's a safe bet that he thinks that I cry in front of him about my grades. I don't think he cares though, he gets done of whatever is his and he leaves his students futures to them, which I view as a good thing partially because I make my life and he shouldn't be concerned about it, but he will still call you down and yell at you and get frustrated for you not being able to catch up. So this is one thing that I am always nervous about, walking through the schools fearing the sight of my principal.
Another thing that I am nervous about is that some of my family members are also raging for the fact that I can't keep up with the IB's standards. My dad is been recently more tolerable, but my step mom I have noticed that she has taken a very agressive living style when communicating with me, for the same reasons as stated above. My dad and step mom do the hardest work just to say so and like to think that doing all that will make them idols. I think other wise becaues it's time that they've learned that nobody cares that you've actually done more work for no reason. Most people will probably just be like "You did more work? HAHA, way to waste your time and effort when you could've gotten the same thing with less work." But seeing that they are my parents I have no authority or rights of any kind of speach. I don't feel as if I get enough rights to actually state my case, this limits me and makes me just want to run away from my friends house and live there to the people that actually know what I'm talking about.
So this is what I have to say, take a gander at your thoughts and tell me what you think. -Nate
Friday, May 11, 2012
Bio of myself.
So this is my first blog post on my blog "Black Sunburst." I'm going to start with a biography of myself and go into detail for each subject I go into.
My name is Nate Gardner and one of my major occupations with my life is that I absolutely love to create music. I started with the guitar when I was 10 and made one song that somehow I can still remember perfectly at age 14 (about to be 15.) I named it "Emotion." Later in life about a year later I started to get into electronic music. I was a fan of electronic music ever since I heard Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction." I started out just slapping some samples together then boom done in this program called "Mixcraft." Its good for beginners but if you wanna go somewhere with your music I recommend taking a great step up to "Fl studio" if you have a pc or "Logic" if you have a mac. They are both amazing programs and I've used both. My stage name for my electronic music by myself is "Brounyez" pronounced as the popular chocolate treat "Brownies" haha, it was pretty funny. I could go into the Bio of Brounyez but that would be too much and its mainly for just me.
Another group of music that I've been into waaayyyyyy before electronic music is hard rock/metal/deathcore/any other band like genres. Back when I was 7 and heard Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life" and I fell in love with it. That was the song and the band that set my musical taste for the harder styles (haha Scope Dj reference) I still like artists like "Tegan and Sara" and "Ellie Goulding" though. I actually am in three different groups for that kinda music. I'm making music as myself (for stuff like tegan and sara and ellie goulding), Bleached Black (which we have to change the name and that is one of my metal bands), and Never Again (which is my second metal band). I am going to do some production for the projects after we record things because it will have some electronic influence and breakdowns with be glitch breakdowns and be all chopped up and awesome :3. I'm getting things together with recording equipment and band members for Never Again. I have made lyrics for two songs with the names of "Like Son Like Father" and "Unharmed." Check them out when I give the update that they're on youtube on "OfficialNeverAgain."
For other topics I do like to do as much good visual art as possible. I'm trying to get into it and be good at it but theres progress that always has to be made. I'm going to try to get help from my artsie friends. So I might when I start to get good put stuff on deviantart? sounds good.
For some back story is that I have been living in Michigan for most of my life and have recently trying to make the best of things for me right now because I have been put into a situation with my school and some of my family members. So If you have any questions ask me and i will answer them if you want some more information on me because i cant really think of anything of my personality :P but you can get some of it just from how i am setting this up and how I'm talking about things. Please don't judge a book by a cover we can be friends if i already don't know you haha. -Nate
My name is Nate Gardner and one of my major occupations with my life is that I absolutely love to create music. I started with the guitar when I was 10 and made one song that somehow I can still remember perfectly at age 14 (about to be 15.) I named it "Emotion." Later in life about a year later I started to get into electronic music. I was a fan of electronic music ever since I heard Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction." I started out just slapping some samples together then boom done in this program called "Mixcraft." Its good for beginners but if you wanna go somewhere with your music I recommend taking a great step up to "Fl studio" if you have a pc or "Logic" if you have a mac. They are both amazing programs and I've used both. My stage name for my electronic music by myself is "Brounyez" pronounced as the popular chocolate treat "Brownies" haha, it was pretty funny. I could go into the Bio of Brounyez but that would be too much and its mainly for just me.
Another group of music that I've been into waaayyyyyy before electronic music is hard rock/metal/deathcore/any other band like genres. Back when I was 7 and heard Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life" and I fell in love with it. That was the song and the band that set my musical taste for the harder styles (haha Scope Dj reference) I still like artists like "Tegan and Sara" and "Ellie Goulding" though. I actually am in three different groups for that kinda music. I'm making music as myself (for stuff like tegan and sara and ellie goulding), Bleached Black (which we have to change the name and that is one of my metal bands), and Never Again (which is my second metal band). I am going to do some production for the projects after we record things because it will have some electronic influence and breakdowns with be glitch breakdowns and be all chopped up and awesome :3. I'm getting things together with recording equipment and band members for Never Again. I have made lyrics for two songs with the names of "Like Son Like Father" and "Unharmed." Check them out when I give the update that they're on youtube on "OfficialNeverAgain."
For other topics I do like to do as much good visual art as possible. I'm trying to get into it and be good at it but theres progress that always has to be made. I'm going to try to get help from my artsie friends. So I might when I start to get good put stuff on deviantart? sounds good.
For some back story is that I have been living in Michigan for most of my life and have recently trying to make the best of things for me right now because I have been put into a situation with my school and some of my family members. So If you have any questions ask me and i will answer them if you want some more information on me because i cant really think of anything of my personality :P but you can get some of it just from how i am setting this up and how I'm talking about things. Please don't judge a book by a cover we can be friends if i already don't know you haha. -Nate
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